NBA Draft Recap

You wanted it? You get it! Sure, it's almost a week later but you're gonna get yourself some draft grades.

Void if sarcasm is withheld.

1. Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls - Bulls fans hope D-Rose's homecoming is more like LeBron's staying home in Cleveland, less like Starbury's return to New York City.
2. Michael Beasley, Miami Heat - After the best player in the draft fell to the Heat at No. 2, Pat Riley began plotting against...what's his name...that coach he just hired.
3. OJ Mayo, Minnesota Timberwolves - Unable to send this talent to the Celtics, Kevin McHale settles for Kevin Love and Mike Miller from Memphis.
4. Russell Westbrook, Seattle Sonics - Westbrook introduces a new concept called "defense" into Sonics camped
5. Kevin Love, Memphis Grizzlies - The Grizz get a scorer in O.J. Mayo. Good luck to O.J. as he tries to market himself to the good folks of Memphis, Tenn.
6. Danilo Gallinari, New York Knicks - The only people that enjoyed this pick are Gallinari, D'Antoni, Italian-American New Yorkers and fans who hate the Knickerbockers.
7. Eric Gordon, Los Angeles Clippers - Not playing for the clippers is reason No. 1 why you should stay in school if you're a talented college hoopster.
8. Joe Alexander, Milwaukee Bucks - "Vanilla Sky" will be a great marketing tool for Wisconsinites in search of a player to market a new flavor of ice cream.
9. DJ Augustin, Charlotte Bobcats - Michael Jordan proves why Jerry Reinsdorf never gave him a front office gig by drafting a PG when the Bobcats already have Raymond Felton (a UNC like Jordan and Coach Larry Brown at that).
10. Brook Lopez, New Jersey Nets - Because someone's gotta grab the bricks Vince Carter throws up from the great beyond.
11. Jerryd Bayless, Indiana Pacers - It was a dumb pick 'til you see where I'm going with this in No. 13
12. Jason Thompson, Sacramento Kings - Who is Jason Thompson? Seriously.
13. Brandon Rush, Portland TrailBlazers - Poor Brandon goes from a nice situation in Portland to begging for minutes in Indy.
14. Anthony Randolph, Golden State Warriors - Anthony Randolph looks to add his name to talented big men that warm Don Nelson's bench.
15. Robin Lopez, Phoenix Suns - Lopez will be putting that Stanford education to good use as he will be used to spell Shaq when he's tired (or rapping).
16. Marreese Speights, Philadelphia 76ers - Personally, I would rather be a college student-athlete star in Gainsville, Fla. where the girls are blonde and pretty than a pro in Philadelphia where they booed Santa.
17. Roy Hibbert, Toronto Raptors (for Indiana) - If Hibbert can stay healthy, I guarantee he matches Jermaine O'Neal's productivity (if he's NOT healthy).
18. JaVale McGee, Washington Wizards - Teams in the NBA Eastern Conference have been blowing up former SIU forward Randal Falker's phone as they hope to land someone to stop McGee.
19. JJ Hickson, Cleveland Cavs - The Cavs needed a shooting guard who puts the emphasis in shooting. They didn't get him.
20. Alexis Ajinca, Charlotte Bobcats - First D.J.A. and now some French dude no one's ever heard of. Are we sure this guy isn't Fredric Weis?
21. Ryan Anderson, New Jersey Nets - Even though I don't agree with the player chosen (Darrell Arthur is still chillin' in the green room), now Lopez has competition to grab VC's bricks.
22. Courtney Lee, Orlando Magic - A former Duke star will lose playing time to a guy from Western Kentucky: whodathunkit?
23. Kosta Koufos, Utah Jazz - A tremendous upside pick for the Jazz, even though their front court is loaded like Lindsay Lohan on a Friday afternoon.
24. Serge Ibaka, Seattle Sonics - Another international player I've never heard of....don't the Sonics have rebuilding to do?
25. Nicolas Batum, Houston Rockets - This guy has potential down the line...so does my stock in Enron.
26. George Hill, San Antonio Spurs - This is where the Spurs usually pick a random foreigner who will shine in a few years. I didn't know IUPUI played basketball.
27. Darrell Arthur, New Orleans Hornets (for Portland) - Not only did he have to wait thru 27 picks, he has to sit behind Channing Frye, Lamarcus Aldridge and Greg Oden. One more year in Lawrence, Kan. makes him a lottery pick.
28. Donte’ Greene, Memphis Grizzlies - Hakim Warrick wins a bet with the Grizz' management. Drafts a guy who will watch Syracuse basketball with him and team against UConn teammate Rudy Gay.
29. DJ White, Detroit Pistons - While the White Sox own the idea of grinder ball in baseball, the Pistons own the concept on the hardwood. Calls by Kelvin Sampson were not returned.
30. JR Giddens, Boston Celtics - Does it matter who they picked? They just won the f*****g NBA title!

In closing:

WINNERS:

• The Miami Heat for grabbing the most talented player in the draft and resisting the possibility of drafting local product Elian Gonzalez.
• The Chicago Bulls' marketing department are the biggest winners of the draft after nabbing local kid with first pick. Because if there's anything more marketable than sex, it's a local product who might be the most talented young guard out there.
• Italian-American New York Knicks fans who will be shouting "That's my guy!" in heavy New York accents when "Big Cock" lands in the Big Apple.

LOSERS:

• The Charlotte Bobcats who were hoodwinked by Michael Jordan, who fooled the Bobcats executives into thinking Mike knew talent on the court. We all know he can spot it off the hardwood.
• Mike D'Antoni is probably not a happy man right now. He could be leading the Bulls and Derrick Rose. Instead he's stuck in NYC with Eddy Curry, Zach Randolph, Jamal Crawford, Starbury and some Italian guy whose nickname is "Big Cock."
• The Boston Celtics might be the biggest loser, after being unable to stick-up Kevin McHale at gun point and failing to acquire the rights to the No. 3 pick.
  

NBA Mock Draft Lottery

Making a mockery of the NBA Draft Lottery since May 2008 because I really don't care about how the NBA playoff teams draft.

1. Chicago - Derrick Rose, Memphis. The smart move would be taking the low-post presence this franchise desperately needs but we know how the Bulls love passing on the smart move, don't they?
   
2. Miami - Michael Beasley, Kansas State. Even though D-Wade + The Matrix + Beastley = NBA Playoffs, Pat Riley isn't sold.
3. Minnesota - O.J. Mayo, USC. Kevin McHale takes the best player available, then trades it to the Celtics in exchange for Glen "Big Baby" Davis, a championship ring and a full playoff share.
4. Seattle - Jerryd Bayless, Arizona. Luke Ridnour can't shoot and Earl Watson doesn't play defense. Bayless does both. And suddenly Durant has a point guard to feed him the rock.
   
5. Memphis - Brook Lopez, Stanford. He could turn out to be the safest pick in this draft or another waste of 7-feet. Only time will tell.
   
6. New York - Eric Gordon, Indiana. After the Knicks make their pick, expect Bucks assistant coach Kelvin Sampson to text Gordon in an effort to get him out of this commitment.
   
7. L.A. Clippers - Joe Alexander, West Virginia. Alexander made hay in the NCAA Tournament. His reward is landing on the Clips. Yeah, Joe, you probably shoulda stayed in school.
   
8. Milwaukee - Russell Westbrook, UCLA. In an effort to please the former sports editor at the Daily Egyptian, I'm hoping the Bucks pick Westbrook. Russ is the defensive minded guard the Bucks don't have.
   
9. Charlotte - Kevin Love, UCLA. Yeah, I still like this pick for the Bobcats. However, K-Love could go as high as No. 3. Scary, I know!
   
10. New Jersey - Danilo Gallinari, Italy. The Nets dip into the international pool. Geography experts like to call it the Atlantic Ocean.
    
11. Indiana - Anthony Randolph, LSU. The Pacers will select Randolph not because he addresses the void left when they traded Jermaine O'Neal for T.J. Ford. Instead, Pacers execs identify Randolph's lack of a criminal record as the No. 1 reason to draft the LSU forward.
12. Sacramento - D.J. Augustin, Texas. And even though Beno Udrih did wonders for my fantasy team, I wouldn't want him running the point for my team. Expect Augustin to hop on a Ron Artest remix in the coming months.
13. Portland - Donte Green, Syracuse. The ultra-athletic forward gives the Trail Blazers a formidable front court. Greg Oden's grizzled beard makes it intimidating.
14. Golden State - JaVale McGee, Nevada. The fun-and-gun offense is in search of a big man, and JaVale McGee isn't it. However, he and former top draft choice Patrick O'Bryant can reminisce about how they were owned by former Southern Illinois Salukis star forward Randal Falker. (Notice that I didn't change this.)

Speaking of The BMF, I can hear it now.

"And with the 51st pick in the NBA Draft, the Dallas Mavericks select RANDAL FALKER FROM THE SOUTHERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY!"

Why would they do that? Simple. Any time they'd run into the Warriors, all they'd have to do is throw The Big Mother Falker into the game and watch him go for 20 and 10 while the seven-foot softies (McGee and Patrick O'Bryant) get schooled by the former Saluki standout!

Besides, Mark Cuban owes me a favor before he buys the Cubs.

;-)

Vinny Del Negro. Really?

Vinny Del Negro might have a funny name, but the fact that he will be coaching the Chicago Bulls for the next two years is no laughing matter.

After more than 50 days of hunting the Bulls settled for Del Negro, who has never (ever) coached at any level of basketball. So tell me, when did Chicago become a place for on the job training?

Don't worry, I'll wait.

Hiring Del Negro was an irresponsible hire for a franchise that should be using the fact that it dominated the '90s with the best player to ever step foot on the hardwood and brought six championships to hire the best and brightest.

Bulls GM John Paxson really let his fandom down with this hiring. Remember when the search started and he promised a defensive minded coach who would resonate with the fans? I do. Remember how the Bulls were linked to the defensive minded Rick Carlisle? I do. Remember how the Bulls were close to landing the offensive juggernaut Mike D'Antoni? I do. Remember when the Bulls decided they were gonna take a ride in the way-back machine and hire Doug Collins? I do.

And while Del Negro might be a great hire down the line, he's not right for this team. He's not right for the city.

Let's get it straight, I don't hate Del Negro. I don't hate Paxson. I do hate the hire. I do hate how Paxson has teased us with Kevin Garnett, Pau Gasol and Kobe Bryant. I do hate how Ben Wallace was a total flop, even though everyone with a pulse in the basketball world new that was a bad idea.

I do hate how the best coach for this team is coaching 90 miles north of Chicago. I do hate how The Chairman has handcuffed Johnny Jumpshot to the point where Vinny Friggin' Del Negro will get on the job training for a city starving for a successful basketball team.

And yes, I realize it's easy to blame Jerry Reinsdorf because of his penny pinching ways but I calls 'em the way I sees 'em.

Good luck Vinny. You'll need it.

Three Play Featuring The Chicago Sports Scene

It's a day like this that the dirty sports reporter inside of me dies for. And if you are lucky enough to be a sports editor for one of the Windy City's newspapers, you've had yourself a newsday.

You'd also be lucky if you got the opportunity to go home with one of these girls.

Just sayin'.

BENSON BURNOUT

Cedric Benson's time in Chicago is up.

The lethal combination of poor performance on the field and poor decision making off it have cost Benson his job. The No. 4 overall pick in 2005 was released by the Bears Monday afternoon when coach Lovie Smith told Benson to go home when he showed up for practice.

Benson's career to this point has been star-crossed, to say the least. He never appealed to the fans, and how could you when you have a lengthy hold out before you've even taken a snap in the NFL. Then once in The League, Benson was out played by journeyman Thomas Jones mostly because Jones was willing to be a good teammate who had a history of being a gym rat. And when he did get playing time, Cedric was less than entertaining (did you see what I did there?) and would have likely ran second string behind second round draft pick Matt Forte.

Move over Cade McNown, Curtis Enis and Rashaan Salaam because No. 32 will likely go down as the No. 1 bust in the franchise's history.

MY COUSIN COACH VINNY

The Chicago Bulls have officially wasted all of the momentum and buzz generated by winning the No. 1 pick by taking the cheap way out.

Sources say the Bulls are close to naming Mike D'Antoni Doug Collins Vinny Del Negro as the team's next head coach. The former San Antonio Spurs guard (whose name loosely translates to "Vinny of the Negroes) has absolutely no coaching experience, but is currently the assistant general manager of the Phoenix Suns and has interviewed for the vacancies in Chicago and Phoenix.

A move like this just shows how cheap Jerry Reinsdorf is. The Bulls had a chance to bring in an offensive mind such as D'Antoni, a former Coach of the Year in Avery Johnson, a teacher such as Collins. But settled for Del Negro, despite the best candidate just might have been Boston Celtics defensive assistant Tom Thibodeau. (Yeah, I'm agreeing with Jay Mariotti. Deal with it.)

Del Negro's coaching career will be decided by whoever the Bulls choose as their No. 1 pick. Will the former point guard lean towards Derrick Rose or the front court beast Michael Beasley.

THE SECOND CITY'S FIRST PLACE BASEBALL TEAMS

Chicago's baseball teams aren't taking a back seat to anyone, whether it be in their own towns or in their respective divisions.

The Chicago Cubs sport the best record in Major League Baseball and are preparing to host the Atlanta Braves, who might be playing without All-Star Chipper Jones. Five days after being chewed out during his start against the San Diego Padres, Jason Marquis puts forth his best effort of the season.

Coincidence? I think not!

The Chicago White Sox ain't to shabby either. The South Sider's completed a perfect homestand with a 7-5 win over the second-place Minnesota Twins and are currently enjoying a 7-game winning streak while averaging more than 9 runs per game in that span. And to think, Ozzie Guillen was tired of watching this team.

Who the hell gets tired of watching a first-place ball club? Well, it's understandable if you have to do it from U.S. Cellular Field.

This is a hell of a way to end a short week of blogging. I'm going on vacation and will be away from my computer 'til at least Monday. But don't worry, I have stuff in the can that will be unleashed beginning next Tuesday. Hopefully.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to put out my unique spin on the Bulls coaching search which would have netted the team (presumably) its first player-coach, Michael Beasley.

Topics that might be touched on are as follows:

• Where has Mark Prior gone?
• Chicago's Olympic Hopes
• Sleeping with the enemy (like when you're most hated rival joins your favorite team)
• The statistical anomaly that was the 2005 Chicago White Sox
• And hopefully a preview of the Crosstown Classic

That's it. I'm gone to pack. Take care!

The 2008 NBA Finals: Is 3 Better Than 1?

While most of the pundits and experts will focus on the nostalgic Celtics-Lakers match-up that consisted of short-shorts and Bird v. Magic, I can't help but to look at this series and think that this series is reminiscent of the 1997 NBA Finals.

I know, it's a stretch. But hear me out!

The Lakers remind me a lot of that 1997 Chicago Bulls championship team. The Lake Show is lead by Kobe Bryant, playing the role of Michael Jordan as the best player in the game. He has been dominant all season and it has continued into the playoffs. Like Mike, Kobe can light it up anytime, anywhere. Again, like Jordan, he's got that championship drive and something to prove to the critics. While MJ was trying to prove that his retirement was the only reason the city of Houston has any championship to talk about, KB24 is out to prove that he can win the big one without Shaq.

Like the '97 Bulls, Kobe's got a talented supporting cast. Pau Gasol is in the lead assistant role and is the difference-maker in the low-post and his value is through the roof since center Andrew Bynum has been out. Lamar Odom runs the point forward and usually provides a match-up problem for the opposition. Point guard Derek Fisher runs the show and is a lights-out 3-point shooter that makes big shots in big games. Remember?

The one constant between Da Bulls and Da Lakers (yeah, I can't believe I just typed that either) is Phil Jackson.

Standing in the Lakers' way are the Boston Celtics, who sported the best record in the NBA this season.

The Celts are looking for their first championship since sometime in the '80s and are lead by a triumvirate of stars. Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen also have something to prove and finally are on the stage to do so. Each has been great individually, but have not been able to win the big games and get over the hump. Together, they hope to do just that.

The cloud that has surrounded the Green Squad all year has been the supporting cast that surrounds The Big Three. Rajon Rondo is a damn good contributor who will only get better as time goes on. But after that, the rest of the squad is underwhelming in my eyes.

Chicago native Glenn "Doc" Rivers is a hell of a coach, who got a raw deal in Orlando and was almost booted from Boston after a 24-win campaign in 2007. He isn't intimidated by the star power the Lakers have because he's got it on his side too. But will he crack under the pressure of keeping Coach Phil from passing Boston legend Red Auerbach in NBA Championships?

Here's hoping that this series will be an instant classic!

And for your viewing pleasure, a lil' bit of that 1997 championship magic.

NBA Draft Mockery!

It's only May, but everyone's doing it. So I'm gonna do it to. However, I'm just gonna mock the lottery because that's just how I do it.

1. Chicago - Derrick Rose, Memphis. Headline: Local boy does good. Seriously, D-Rose is going to revive basketball in the House That Jordan Built.
2. Miami - Michael Beasley, Kansas State. Teaming D-Wade, Shawn Marion and Beasley puts the Heat back in the playoff picture.
3. Minnesota - Brook Lopez, Stanford. The T-Wolves are going to have quite the frontcourt with Al Jefferson and the good Lopez twin.
4. Seattle - Anthony Randolph, LSU. This is a bad spot for the Oklahoma City Sonics. I'd trade the pick, but Randolph is a high-risk, high-reward guy whose rap sheet sounds like what I heard about Tyrus Thomas.
5. Memphis - Jerryd Bayless, Arizona. In search of a true point guard to run Memphis' Suns-lite offense, Bayless is the smart pick.
6. New York - Danilo Gallinari, Italy. The 6-10 small forward is the smart bet, knowing D'Antoni's history with the Italians. But I wouldn't be surprised to see O.J. Mayo go here.
7. L.A. Clippers - O.J. Mayo, USC. Chris Kaman is a nice center, but their backcourt is lacking. O.J. stays in L.A.
8. Milwaukee - Darrell Arthur, Kansas. The Bucks are loaded in the backcourt, so they should be looking for a frontcourt player to team with Yi and Andrew Bogut. Arthur might be that guy.
9. Charlotte - Kevin Love, UCLA. Teaming him with Emeka Okafor would get the most value out of No. 42.
10. New Jersey - DeAndre Jordan, Texas Tech. Devin Harris, Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson need a big guy to feed the ball to. Despite being a raw talent, Jordan is the best bet.
11. Indiana - Eric Gordon, Indiana. The Pacers are probably sick of drama, but since text messaging seems legal in the NBA, Gordon is the kind of scoring guard the Pacers have been missing since ... dare I say ... Reggie Miller.
12. Sacramento - Russell Westbrook, UCLA. The combo guard should stay in Cali, teaming with Beno Udrih (and Ron Artest?)
13. Portland - D.J. Augustin, Texas. The Trail Blazers are looking for a backcourt mate for Brandon Roy and might end up trading the pick to the Bulls for Kirk Hinrich. If they don't, they should land the undersized PG who starred with and without Kevin Durant.
14. Golden State - JaVale McGee, Nevada. The fun-and-gun offense is in search of a big man, and JaVale McGee isn't it. However, he and former top draft choice Patrick O'Bryant can reminisce about how they were pwned by former Southern Illinois Salukis star forward Randal Falker