NBA Draft Recap

You wanted it? You get it! Sure, it's almost a week later but you're gonna get yourself some draft grades.

Void if sarcasm is withheld.

1. Derrick Rose, Chicago Bulls - Bulls fans hope D-Rose's homecoming is more like LeBron's staying home in Cleveland, less like Starbury's return to New York City.
2. Michael Beasley, Miami Heat - After the best player in the draft fell to the Heat at No. 2, Pat Riley began plotting against...what's his name...that coach he just hired.
3. OJ Mayo, Minnesota Timberwolves - Unable to send this talent to the Celtics, Kevin McHale settles for Kevin Love and Mike Miller from Memphis.
4. Russell Westbrook, Seattle Sonics - Westbrook introduces a new concept called "defense" into Sonics camped
5. Kevin Love, Memphis Grizzlies - The Grizz get a scorer in O.J. Mayo. Good luck to O.J. as he tries to market himself to the good folks of Memphis, Tenn.
6. Danilo Gallinari, New York Knicks - The only people that enjoyed this pick are Gallinari, D'Antoni, Italian-American New Yorkers and fans who hate the Knickerbockers.
7. Eric Gordon, Los Angeles Clippers - Not playing for the clippers is reason No. 1 why you should stay in school if you're a talented college hoopster.
8. Joe Alexander, Milwaukee Bucks - "Vanilla Sky" will be a great marketing tool for Wisconsinites in search of a player to market a new flavor of ice cream.
9. DJ Augustin, Charlotte Bobcats - Michael Jordan proves why Jerry Reinsdorf never gave him a front office gig by drafting a PG when the Bobcats already have Raymond Felton (a UNC like Jordan and Coach Larry Brown at that).
10. Brook Lopez, New Jersey Nets - Because someone's gotta grab the bricks Vince Carter throws up from the great beyond.
11. Jerryd Bayless, Indiana Pacers - It was a dumb pick 'til you see where I'm going with this in No. 13
12. Jason Thompson, Sacramento Kings - Who is Jason Thompson? Seriously.
13. Brandon Rush, Portland TrailBlazers - Poor Brandon goes from a nice situation in Portland to begging for minutes in Indy.
14. Anthony Randolph, Golden State Warriors - Anthony Randolph looks to add his name to talented big men that warm Don Nelson's bench.
15. Robin Lopez, Phoenix Suns - Lopez will be putting that Stanford education to good use as he will be used to spell Shaq when he's tired (or rapping).
16. Marreese Speights, Philadelphia 76ers - Personally, I would rather be a college student-athlete star in Gainsville, Fla. where the girls are blonde and pretty than a pro in Philadelphia where they booed Santa.
17. Roy Hibbert, Toronto Raptors (for Indiana) - If Hibbert can stay healthy, I guarantee he matches Jermaine O'Neal's productivity (if he's NOT healthy).
18. JaVale McGee, Washington Wizards - Teams in the NBA Eastern Conference have been blowing up former SIU forward Randal Falker's phone as they hope to land someone to stop McGee.
19. JJ Hickson, Cleveland Cavs - The Cavs needed a shooting guard who puts the emphasis in shooting. They didn't get him.
20. Alexis Ajinca, Charlotte Bobcats - First D.J.A. and now some French dude no one's ever heard of. Are we sure this guy isn't Fredric Weis?
21. Ryan Anderson, New Jersey Nets - Even though I don't agree with the player chosen (Darrell Arthur is still chillin' in the green room), now Lopez has competition to grab VC's bricks.
22. Courtney Lee, Orlando Magic - A former Duke star will lose playing time to a guy from Western Kentucky: whodathunkit?
23. Kosta Koufos, Utah Jazz - A tremendous upside pick for the Jazz, even though their front court is loaded like Lindsay Lohan on a Friday afternoon.
24. Serge Ibaka, Seattle Sonics - Another international player I've never heard of....don't the Sonics have rebuilding to do?
25. Nicolas Batum, Houston Rockets - This guy has potential down the line...so does my stock in Enron.
26. George Hill, San Antonio Spurs - This is where the Spurs usually pick a random foreigner who will shine in a few years. I didn't know IUPUI played basketball.
27. Darrell Arthur, New Orleans Hornets (for Portland) - Not only did he have to wait thru 27 picks, he has to sit behind Channing Frye, Lamarcus Aldridge and Greg Oden. One more year in Lawrence, Kan. makes him a lottery pick.
28. Donte’ Greene, Memphis Grizzlies - Hakim Warrick wins a bet with the Grizz' management. Drafts a guy who will watch Syracuse basketball with him and team against UConn teammate Rudy Gay.
29. DJ White, Detroit Pistons - While the White Sox own the idea of grinder ball in baseball, the Pistons own the concept on the hardwood. Calls by Kelvin Sampson were not returned.
30. JR Giddens, Boston Celtics - Does it matter who they picked? They just won the f*****g NBA title!

In closing:

WINNERS:

• The Miami Heat for grabbing the most talented player in the draft and resisting the possibility of drafting local product Elian Gonzalez.
• The Chicago Bulls' marketing department are the biggest winners of the draft after nabbing local kid with first pick. Because if there's anything more marketable than sex, it's a local product who might be the most talented young guard out there.
• Italian-American New York Knicks fans who will be shouting "That's my guy!" in heavy New York accents when "Big Cock" lands in the Big Apple.

LOSERS:

• The Charlotte Bobcats who were hoodwinked by Michael Jordan, who fooled the Bobcats executives into thinking Mike knew talent on the court. We all know he can spot it off the hardwood.
• Mike D'Antoni is probably not a happy man right now. He could be leading the Bulls and Derrick Rose. Instead he's stuck in NYC with Eddy Curry, Zach Randolph, Jamal Crawford, Starbury and some Italian guy whose nickname is "Big Cock."
• The Boston Celtics might be the biggest loser, after being unable to stick-up Kevin McHale at gun point and failing to acquire the rights to the No. 3 pick.
  

NBA Mock Draft Lottery

Making a mockery of the NBA Draft Lottery since May 2008 because I really don't care about how the NBA playoff teams draft.

1. Chicago - Derrick Rose, Memphis. The smart move would be taking the low-post presence this franchise desperately needs but we know how the Bulls love passing on the smart move, don't they?
   
2. Miami - Michael Beasley, Kansas State. Even though D-Wade + The Matrix + Beastley = NBA Playoffs, Pat Riley isn't sold.
3. Minnesota - O.J. Mayo, USC. Kevin McHale takes the best player available, then trades it to the Celtics in exchange for Glen "Big Baby" Davis, a championship ring and a full playoff share.
4. Seattle - Jerryd Bayless, Arizona. Luke Ridnour can't shoot and Earl Watson doesn't play defense. Bayless does both. And suddenly Durant has a point guard to feed him the rock.
   
5. Memphis - Brook Lopez, Stanford. He could turn out to be the safest pick in this draft or another waste of 7-feet. Only time will tell.
   
6. New York - Eric Gordon, Indiana. After the Knicks make their pick, expect Bucks assistant coach Kelvin Sampson to text Gordon in an effort to get him out of this commitment.
   
7. L.A. Clippers - Joe Alexander, West Virginia. Alexander made hay in the NCAA Tournament. His reward is landing on the Clips. Yeah, Joe, you probably shoulda stayed in school.
   
8. Milwaukee - Russell Westbrook, UCLA. In an effort to please the former sports editor at the Daily Egyptian, I'm hoping the Bucks pick Westbrook. Russ is the defensive minded guard the Bucks don't have.
   
9. Charlotte - Kevin Love, UCLA. Yeah, I still like this pick for the Bobcats. However, K-Love could go as high as No. 3. Scary, I know!
   
10. New Jersey - Danilo Gallinari, Italy. The Nets dip into the international pool. Geography experts like to call it the Atlantic Ocean.
    
11. Indiana - Anthony Randolph, LSU. The Pacers will select Randolph not because he addresses the void left when they traded Jermaine O'Neal for T.J. Ford. Instead, Pacers execs identify Randolph's lack of a criminal record as the No. 1 reason to draft the LSU forward.
12. Sacramento - D.J. Augustin, Texas. And even though Beno Udrih did wonders for my fantasy team, I wouldn't want him running the point for my team. Expect Augustin to hop on a Ron Artest remix in the coming months.
13. Portland - Donte Green, Syracuse. The ultra-athletic forward gives the Trail Blazers a formidable front court. Greg Oden's grizzled beard makes it intimidating.
14. Golden State - JaVale McGee, Nevada. The fun-and-gun offense is in search of a big man, and JaVale McGee isn't it. However, he and former top draft choice Patrick O'Bryant can reminisce about how they were owned by former Southern Illinois Salukis star forward Randal Falker. (Notice that I didn't change this.)

Speaking of The BMF, I can hear it now.

"And with the 51st pick in the NBA Draft, the Dallas Mavericks select RANDAL FALKER FROM THE SOUTHERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY!"

Why would they do that? Simple. Any time they'd run into the Warriors, all they'd have to do is throw The Big Mother Falker into the game and watch him go for 20 and 10 while the seven-foot softies (McGee and Patrick O'Bryant) get schooled by the former Saluki standout!

Besides, Mark Cuban owes me a favor before he buys the Cubs.

;-)

My Bulls Draft Prediction

Please allow me to channel my inner Swami Murph as I play "I predict..."

Now, say it like you mean it.

I PREDICT...

...that with the first pick in the NBA Draft, the Chicago Bulls will select Derrick Rose, guard, Memphis.

Not that I necessarily agree with the idea of drafting the local product over the low-post scorer the Bulls have been searching for.

If the Bulls do select Rose with the No. 1 pick, I fully expect them to take a big man with their early second round pick (No. 39 overall). The Bulls could theoretically select forward Joey Dorsey in the second round, making it an all-Memphis draft night. Indiana forward D.J. White, a first-round talent derailed by injuries and being under Kelvin Sampson, will also likely be available at that point in the draft.

If GM John Paxson is reading this blog, has a stroke of genius and decides to choose Beasley, expect the Bulls to go guard in the second round. Maybe Beasley's Kansas State teammate Bill Walker, a 6-foot-6 shooting guard/small forward, would intrigue Pax. Washington State's Kyle Weaver, IUPUI's George Hill and Mississippi State's Jamont Gordon are other prospects that mgiht pique the interest of the Bulls' front office.

The Chicago Bulls Should Select Michael Beasley

Bulls GM John Paxson shouldn't tempt fate. When his team won the NBA Draft Lottery despite a 1.7% chance, he should have taken the hint that the prayers of he and his fan base were going to be answered.

And those prayers were to draft Kansas State forward Michael Beasley.

Beasley is the inside presence that the Bulls and their fans have been clamoring for since the Paxson regime took over for "The Sleuth" Jerry Krause. Paxson would be foolish if he were to let this opportunity fly by.

The 6-8 forward is a natural born scorer who is blessed enough to be able to score in a variety of ways from power post moves to shots from beyond the arc. And statistically, he was better than his point guard counterpart.

"Beastley" averaged 26.2 points, 12.4 rebounds and shot 53.2% from the field and 37.9% from the 3-point line in his only season in Manhattan, Kan. After his first three college games, No. 30 proved to the world he was worth the hype, averaging 30 points and 20 rebounds.

While Rose dominated the little sisters of the poor...er...Conference USA, Beasley dominated the monsters of the Big 12, leading the Wildcats to a NCAA Tournament berth and a victory over O.J. Mayo's Southern California team.

Against the National Champion Kansas Jayhawks, Beasley averaged 32 points and 8.5 rebounds. He put up 30 points and 15 rebounds in his only appearance against the Texas Longhorns, who bowed out to the national runner-up Memphis in the Elite 8.

He had 13 games in which he scored more than 30 points. He had 2 games in which he scored more than 40 points, including a career-high 44 in a 92-86 loss against Baylor, another NCAA Tournament team.

Lost in all the scoring is the fact that he only had four games in which he didn't grab double-digit boards. In addition, there were only 5 games in which he didn't record a double-double. For those of you who are mathematically challenged (like I am), that means The Manhattan Man-Child posted 28 double-doubles.

That's not sick, that's ill!

In the end, drafting Beasley would allow the Bulls to build from the inside out. They could team Beasley with Joakim Noah and Luol Deng in the front court. They could deal Drew Gooden, Tyrus Thomas and Kirk Hinrich for a proven NBA point guard and keep Ben Gordon at the two-guard.

Speaking of Thomas, the Bulls chose him with the No. 2 pick over the back-to-the-basket presence of fellow former Big 12 star in Texas' LaMarcus Aldridge. Maybe Johnny Jumpshot should learn from his past mistake.

The Chicago Bulls Should Pick Derrick Rose

After seeing what Chris Paul and Deron Williams did for their respective NBA franchises, selecting Derrick Rose with the No. 1 overall pick should be a no-brainer.

He fits the three phases the Bulls are lacking.

Statistically

In his only year at Memphis, he led the Tigers to a 37-win campaign while averaging 14.7 points, 4.7 assists and 4.5 rebounds per game. He also led The Boys of Beale Street within seconds of a national title and when it mattered the most Rose averaged 20.8 points, 6.5 rebounds and 6 assists per game in the NCAA Tournament while upping his field goal percentage to 51.8-percent.

He Fits One Of The Bulls' Needs

And even though the Bulls are loaded at the guard position, each of them is coming off down years and would be best suited as trade bait. Neither Ben Gordon nor Kirk Hinrich excels at running the point, but if they were put on the trading block Gordon's ability to fill it up and Hinrich's defensive skills could be valuable to some teams in need.

Rose would be the pure point guard that would instantly make everyone on the floor better. Imagine him feeding Thabo Sefalosha, Luol Deng, Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah. It makes you want to see it live, doesn't it?

The Ultimate Marketing Tool

Let's be honest, like any professional sport, basketball execs main concern is making the big bucks. Drafting Rose would instantly remove the Bulls from the back burner and place them as the headliner in the sports pages when the fall rolls around.

The promise of the Simeon grad coming home and running Vinny Del Negro's Suns-Lite offense could be pleasing to the eye, especially after last year's offensive debacle. Remember, it was former Suns head coach (who almost landed with the Bulls before signing with the New York Knicks) Mike D'Antoni who said Rose was Jason Kidd with a jump shot.

Combine that with the fact that his hometown team has the No. 1 pick and D-Rose can all but punch his ticket back to The City of Wind.

NBA Draft Mockery!

It's only May, but everyone's doing it. So I'm gonna do it to. However, I'm just gonna mock the lottery because that's just how I do it.

1. Chicago - Derrick Rose, Memphis. Headline: Local boy does good. Seriously, D-Rose is going to revive basketball in the House That Jordan Built.
2. Miami - Michael Beasley, Kansas State. Teaming D-Wade, Shawn Marion and Beasley puts the Heat back in the playoff picture.
3. Minnesota - Brook Lopez, Stanford. The T-Wolves are going to have quite the frontcourt with Al Jefferson and the good Lopez twin.
4. Seattle - Anthony Randolph, LSU. This is a bad spot for the Oklahoma City Sonics. I'd trade the pick, but Randolph is a high-risk, high-reward guy whose rap sheet sounds like what I heard about Tyrus Thomas.
5. Memphis - Jerryd Bayless, Arizona. In search of a true point guard to run Memphis' Suns-lite offense, Bayless is the smart pick.
6. New York - Danilo Gallinari, Italy. The 6-10 small forward is the smart bet, knowing D'Antoni's history with the Italians. But I wouldn't be surprised to see O.J. Mayo go here.
7. L.A. Clippers - O.J. Mayo, USC. Chris Kaman is a nice center, but their backcourt is lacking. O.J. stays in L.A.
8. Milwaukee - Darrell Arthur, Kansas. The Bucks are loaded in the backcourt, so they should be looking for a frontcourt player to team with Yi and Andrew Bogut. Arthur might be that guy.
9. Charlotte - Kevin Love, UCLA. Teaming him with Emeka Okafor would get the most value out of No. 42.
10. New Jersey - DeAndre Jordan, Texas Tech. Devin Harris, Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson need a big guy to feed the ball to. Despite being a raw talent, Jordan is the best bet.
11. Indiana - Eric Gordon, Indiana. The Pacers are probably sick of drama, but since text messaging seems legal in the NBA, Gordon is the kind of scoring guard the Pacers have been missing since ... dare I say ... Reggie Miller.
12. Sacramento - Russell Westbrook, UCLA. The combo guard should stay in Cali, teaming with Beno Udrih (and Ron Artest?)
13. Portland - D.J. Augustin, Texas. The Trail Blazers are looking for a backcourt mate for Brandon Roy and might end up trading the pick to the Bulls for Kirk Hinrich. If they don't, they should land the undersized PG who starred with and without Kevin Durant.
14. Golden State - JaVale McGee, Nevada. The fun-and-gun offense is in search of a big man, and JaVale McGee isn't it. However, he and former top draft choice Patrick O'Bryant can reminisce about how they were pwned by former Southern Illinois Salukis star forward Randal Falker
    

Jackpot!

If my name was Jerry Reinsdorf, I'd be buying 100 tickets to play the Illinois Lottery's Mega Millions game.

On the same night his baseball team beat Cleveland Indians starter C.C. Sabathia for the first time at Comiskey Park/U.S. Cellular Field, his basketball team won the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft.

Despite the odds, which pegged the Bulls with a 1.7-percent chance to land the top pick, the Bulls leap-frogged from the No. 9 position all the way to the chance to grab the impact player of their choice.

So who do you want?

Kansas State forward Michael Beasley was an absolute beast in his one year on campus.

The 6-foot-9-inch future star averaged 26.2 points and 12.4 rebounds, leading the Wildcats to the NCAA Tournament. He shot over 53-percent from the field and showed a feathery touch from beyond the arc, making over 37-percent of his 3-point shots.

Beasley is the low-post presence the Bulls have been missing. He's a game-changer who I think will average better than 20 points and 10 rebounds and be a star in the league.

Then there's Memphis point guard Derrick Rose, the Chicago native that averaged 14.9 points and 4.7 assists per game in his only collegiate season.

In the NCAA tourney, Rose averaged 20.8 points and 6 assists for a team that was a few missed free-throws away from winning the NCAA title. If not for the heroics of Davidson's Stephen Curry, Rose would have been the face of The Big Dance, especially after hitting the shot of the tournament.

The Bulls need Rose, who would be next in the line of elite guards that are taking over the basketball world such as Chris Paul, Deron Williams and Steve Nash. His addition would allow General Manger John Paxson to package Kirk Hinrich and/or Ben Gordon in an off-season trade.

But the Bulls need Michael Beasley, too. Chicago's professional basketball team hasn't had a low-post presence since Elton Brand averaged 20 points and 10 rebounds in his two seasons in Chicago. Drafting Beasley would allow the Bulls to package either Drew Gooden, Tyrus Thomas or Joakim Noah in a trade.

The best thing about being No. 1 is that the Bulls can't lose!

I'm sure Mike D'Antoni is kicking himself as he looks forward to coaching the Knicks and working with Italian project Danilo Gallinari.