Three-Play Starring Hamilton, Hookers and the Holiness of Fenway Park

Welcome to the newest segment of "Three-Play" where I provide a picture of three hot chicks and take on three hot topics that probably deserve an entire blog of their own, but won't get it because of time constraints.

Alright, let's get into it!

First, where's someone who is proficient in photoshop when I need them? I ask the question because everyone who loves the Chicago Cubs as much as I do should be asking themselves how good would Josh Hamilton look patrolling center field in Cubbie blue pinstripes?

Hamilton, a former No. 1 overall pick by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in 1999, was acquired by the Cubs in the 2007 Rule V Draft, but was sent to the Cincinnati Reds for $50,000. In his rookie year, Hamilton hit 19 home runs, drove in 47 runs and his slash stats (batting average, on-base percentage and slugging percentage) were .292/.368/.554.

In the off-season, the Cincinnati Reds flipped Hamilton to the Texas Rangers in exchange for starting pitcher Edinson Volquez. Volquez is leading the world with a 1.31 ERA pitching under the tutelage of Dusty Baker.

Don't worry Reds fans, Dusty's learned from the mistakes he made with Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. Oh wait, he hasn't.

So let's look at the big picture, shall we?

Josh Hamilton, who is batting .329 with 13 HR and 58 RBI, could (and should) be batting 5th in the already potent Cubs line-up, which would enable manager Lou Piniella to move right fielder Kosuke Fukudome's .406 OBP to the No. 2 slot.

Oh, so you're happy with the three blind mice playing center field now for the Cubs, who have combined to hit a paltry .203.

Well, then maybe you could find use out of Volquez who is 7-2 with 76 strikeouts in 62 innings pitched. He'd be the legit No. 2 starter missing from the Cubs starting rotation.

Ladies and gentlemen, exhibit A on why Jim Hendry should not be retained as general manager after his contract expires.

The man who should make that decision is prospective buyer Mark Cuban.

Cuban, who owns the NBA's Dallas Mavericks, has been quite vocal about wanting to buy the North Siders and has the support of most of Cubdom (which should go a long way, but won't.) Recently, Cuban made an appearance on Dan Patrick's radio show where he called the Cubs his hooker.

While it shocked some, I'm not one of them. I've always compared being a Cubs fan to being in a relationship with a woman. She looks good (see Wrigley Field.) She teases (see 1969, 1984, 1989 and 2003.) But damn, she's expensive (see ticket and beer prices.) But in the end, she's the greatest thing in the world (ask my opinion.)

If Mark Cuban has a little Pac Man Jones in him, he'd make it rain on Sam Zell with an offer he can't refuse.

While I wax nostalgic about Wrigley, Boston Red Sox fans do the same when it comes to Fenway Park. To the point where fans had their baby baptized at the yard.

Um, dude. That wasn't Holy water.