NBA Mock Draft Lottery

Making a mockery of the NBA Draft Lottery since May 2008 because I really don't care about how the NBA playoff teams draft.

1. Chicago - Derrick Rose, Memphis. The smart move would be taking the low-post presence this franchise desperately needs but we know how the Bulls love passing on the smart move, don't they?
   
2. Miami - Michael Beasley, Kansas State. Even though D-Wade + The Matrix + Beastley = NBA Playoffs, Pat Riley isn't sold.
3. Minnesota - O.J. Mayo, USC. Kevin McHale takes the best player available, then trades it to the Celtics in exchange for Glen "Big Baby" Davis, a championship ring and a full playoff share.
4. Seattle - Jerryd Bayless, Arizona. Luke Ridnour can't shoot and Earl Watson doesn't play defense. Bayless does both. And suddenly Durant has a point guard to feed him the rock.
   
5. Memphis - Brook Lopez, Stanford. He could turn out to be the safest pick in this draft or another waste of 7-feet. Only time will tell.
   
6. New York - Eric Gordon, Indiana. After the Knicks make their pick, expect Bucks assistant coach Kelvin Sampson to text Gordon in an effort to get him out of this commitment.
   
7. L.A. Clippers - Joe Alexander, West Virginia. Alexander made hay in the NCAA Tournament. His reward is landing on the Clips. Yeah, Joe, you probably shoulda stayed in school.
   
8. Milwaukee - Russell Westbrook, UCLA. In an effort to please the former sports editor at the Daily Egyptian, I'm hoping the Bucks pick Westbrook. Russ is the defensive minded guard the Bucks don't have.
   
9. Charlotte - Kevin Love, UCLA. Yeah, I still like this pick for the Bobcats. However, K-Love could go as high as No. 3. Scary, I know!
   
10. New Jersey - Danilo Gallinari, Italy. The Nets dip into the international pool. Geography experts like to call it the Atlantic Ocean.
    
11. Indiana - Anthony Randolph, LSU. The Pacers will select Randolph not because he addresses the void left when they traded Jermaine O'Neal for T.J. Ford. Instead, Pacers execs identify Randolph's lack of a criminal record as the No. 1 reason to draft the LSU forward.
12. Sacramento - D.J. Augustin, Texas. And even though Beno Udrih did wonders for my fantasy team, I wouldn't want him running the point for my team. Expect Augustin to hop on a Ron Artest remix in the coming months.
13. Portland - Donte Green, Syracuse. The ultra-athletic forward gives the Trail Blazers a formidable front court. Greg Oden's grizzled beard makes it intimidating.
14. Golden State - JaVale McGee, Nevada. The fun-and-gun offense is in search of a big man, and JaVale McGee isn't it. However, he and former top draft choice Patrick O'Bryant can reminisce about how they were owned by former Southern Illinois Salukis star forward Randal Falker. (Notice that I didn't change this.)

Speaking of The BMF, I can hear it now.

"And with the 51st pick in the NBA Draft, the Dallas Mavericks select RANDAL FALKER FROM THE SOUTHERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY!"

Why would they do that? Simple. Any time they'd run into the Warriors, all they'd have to do is throw The Big Mother Falker into the game and watch him go for 20 and 10 while the seven-foot softies (McGee and Patrick O'Bryant) get schooled by the former Saluki standout!

Besides, Mark Cuban owes me a favor before he buys the Cubs.

;-)