ChiSox Fans' Favorite Team Is Whoever Beats The Cubs

On May 29, I ripped Cubs fans sitting down the left field line for their inappropriate behavior in a game the Cubs would eventually win.

And by "inappropriate behavior" I mean these idiots put their hands in the field of play as left fielder Alfonso Soriano ran towards foul territory to catch a fly ball.

You know, kinda like this guy. But Fonzie caught the ball, gave some menacing stares to the douches in the front row and the inning was over.

Fast forward to June 4, where after watching the Padres snap the Cubs' 9-game winning streak I wanted to see a potential Lou Piniella meltdown in his post-game press conference. However, I was treated to some free baseball, courtesy of the White Sox and the Kansas City Royals.

Let's set the scene, shall we?

It's the bottom of the 15th inning in a 4-4 tie and the South Siders' best hitter (Carlos Quentin) is at the plate. And (what's left of the) crowd is going wild. Ready for a pop quiz? What were the Sox fans chanting?

A) "LET'S GO WHITE SOX!!!!"
B) "CAR-LOS! CAR-LOS!"
C) "CUBS LOST! CUBS LOST!"

If you selected answer choice A or B, you're retarded and do not have your finger on the pulse of Chicago baseball. In fact, it's probably up your ass.

But if you chose answer C, then you're the winner! You're prize? You get to read the rest of this fabulous rant.

Ready? I am.

AND THIS IS WHY NO ONE RESPECTS THE FANS OF THE SOUTH SIDE PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL TEAM!!!!

Despite your team's 2005 World Championship, your primary focus in life still seems to be on what happens with the North Sider's. You're the idiots that care more if the Cubs lose than if the Sox win.

That's dumb, immature and to be honest I grew out of that stage of my life a long time ago. And maybe you should too. Why? Because the Sox are in first place in the AL Central, a division they were projected to be battling for the bottom with the Kansas City Royals.

Instead, you're in first. And your primary concern is that the Cubs lost for the first time in their last 10 games. What a bunch of losers.

And since I'll likely get ripped by Sox fans who read this, I might as well pile on.

Your manager is a loudmouth who rips his boss, players and coaches under the bus, despite the team being in first place. He attacks columnists, former players and Cubs fans because he suffers from "Little Brother Syndrome."

Your broadcasters are the second worst in baseball, because no broadcasting duo sucks more than Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

While Hawk is busy reminiscing over his days in Boston, accusing every umpire of having an agenda against the White Sox and providing little-to-no play-by-play when things aren't going the Sox's way, DJ brings absolutely no analysis to the table.

Your owner is a cheap, pompous jackass who apparently doesn't believe in awarding those who helped you become who you are today. Jerry Reinsdorf would be an absolute L-7 Weenee if not for Michael Jordan, and don't you forget that!

The Sox have two things going for them. Radio analyst Steve Stone (who spent a long time educating Cubs fans everywhere) and the food. I can get my Stoney fix on WSCR 670 when he's on with Mike Mulligan and Brian Hanley. As for food, I'm not sure if you know that I am an awesome cook.

So take that and shove it Sox fans. See ya June 20 when the team with the best record in baseball is strokin' you at beautiful Wrigley Field!