NBA Draft Mockery!

It's only May, but everyone's doing it. So I'm gonna do it to. However, I'm just gonna mock the lottery because that's just how I do it.

1. Chicago - Derrick Rose, Memphis. Headline: Local boy does good. Seriously, D-Rose is going to revive basketball in the House That Jordan Built.
2. Miami - Michael Beasley, Kansas State. Teaming D-Wade, Shawn Marion and Beasley puts the Heat back in the playoff picture.
3. Minnesota - Brook Lopez, Stanford. The T-Wolves are going to have quite the frontcourt with Al Jefferson and the good Lopez twin.
4. Seattle - Anthony Randolph, LSU. This is a bad spot for the Oklahoma City Sonics. I'd trade the pick, but Randolph is a high-risk, high-reward guy whose rap sheet sounds like what I heard about Tyrus Thomas.
5. Memphis - Jerryd Bayless, Arizona. In search of a true point guard to run Memphis' Suns-lite offense, Bayless is the smart pick.
6. New York - Danilo Gallinari, Italy. The 6-10 small forward is the smart bet, knowing D'Antoni's history with the Italians. But I wouldn't be surprised to see O.J. Mayo go here.
7. L.A. Clippers - O.J. Mayo, USC. Chris Kaman is a nice center, but their backcourt is lacking. O.J. stays in L.A.
8. Milwaukee - Darrell Arthur, Kansas. The Bucks are loaded in the backcourt, so they should be looking for a frontcourt player to team with Yi and Andrew Bogut. Arthur might be that guy.
9. Charlotte - Kevin Love, UCLA. Teaming him with Emeka Okafor would get the most value out of No. 42.
10. New Jersey - DeAndre Jordan, Texas Tech. Devin Harris, Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson need a big guy to feed the ball to. Despite being a raw talent, Jordan is the best bet.
11. Indiana - Eric Gordon, Indiana. The Pacers are probably sick of drama, but since text messaging seems legal in the NBA, Gordon is the kind of scoring guard the Pacers have been missing since ... dare I say ... Reggie Miller.
12. Sacramento - Russell Westbrook, UCLA. The combo guard should stay in Cali, teaming with Beno Udrih (and Ron Artest?)
13. Portland - D.J. Augustin, Texas. The Trail Blazers are looking for a backcourt mate for Brandon Roy and might end up trading the pick to the Bulls for Kirk Hinrich. If they don't, they should land the undersized PG who starred with and without Kevin Durant.
14. Golden State - JaVale McGee, Nevada. The fun-and-gun offense is in search of a big man, and JaVale McGee isn't it. However, he and former top draft choice Patrick O'Bryant can reminisce about how they were pwned by former Southern Illinois Salukis star forward Randal Falker